Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
