i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
