I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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