How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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