dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
