I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
