So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
