Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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