Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
