i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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