I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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