You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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