you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize