think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
