You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
