Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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