Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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