btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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