i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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