atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
