You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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