I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
