not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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