I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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