Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
