I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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