Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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