Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize