Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
