Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
