You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
