I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
