All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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