He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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