it's great music for shaving your balls
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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