so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
