is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
