mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
