Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
