why didn't you poke me back
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize