The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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