hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize