I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
