he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
