my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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