my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
