pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
they call him Oral-B. enough said
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
