end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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