3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
