My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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