so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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