There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
