the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
