Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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