We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
