I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
