no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
