high people should be assigned attendants
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
