I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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