how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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