it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
