"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
