Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
