Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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