Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
