i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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