hotel room ftw
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
