Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
