why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
