Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So squirting runs in the family.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
