thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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