it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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