Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize