Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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