is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
