hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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