all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
