Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize