Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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