I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
