So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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