I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
