i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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