I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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