Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
