Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
