There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
