I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
