I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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