Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
