Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
