I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
