I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
