Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
