My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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