I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize