i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
