Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
