If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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