Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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