I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
