I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
