I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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